Grandparents are a vital resource in the child mental health crisis, says leading child psychologist

13th June 2026

Expert argues that rebuilding family support can help foster empathy and community values in children

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As more than 40% of American teenagers report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, a leading child psychologist says grandparents and extended family have a vital role to play.

Kenneth Barish, Ph.D., Clinical Professor of Psychology at Weill Cornell Medicine, argues that the erosion of extended family support has contributed to what the U.S. Surgeon General calls a prolonged crisis in child and adolescent mental health.

“We did not evolve to raise children with as little extended family and community support as most American parents have now,” says Dr. Barish, a Fellow of the American Psychological Association. “Children need grandparents, and they always have.”

In his new book, The Art and Science of Parenting and Grandparenting, Dr. Barish reflects on four decades of clinical work alongside insights from neuroscience, child development research, and educational programs for children to make his case that grandparents can help with modern parenting challenges.

Raising children with purpose

Grandparents play a crucial role in addressing what Dr. Barish identifies as a recent societal shift.

“Over several decades, America has increasingly become a society of I, not We. In many families and communities, preoccupation with individual achievement has eroded the values of kindness and caring in the lives of our children,” he explains.

Research shows that intense pressure for achievement leads to high rates of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse in affluent communities. Dr. Barish believes the antidote lies in helping children develop a sense of purpose beyond personal success.

“Individual achievement alone is a fragile source of motivation and effort, with a high cost in anxiety and stress,” Dr. Barish writes. “Helping others promotes a greater balance in children’s emotional lives.”

Studies reviewed by psychologist Jane Piliavin, for example, found that helping others leads to improved self-esteem, less depression, lower dropout rates, better immune function and a longer life.

Dr. Barish recommends volunteering together and having frequent family conversations, from an early age, about the importance of kindness and understanding the needs and feelings of others.

He explains: “These conversations strengthen a child’s sense of meaning and purpose. They are just as important as making sure kids have done their homework and correcting their mistakes, maybe more.”

The role of the grandparent

As well as providing support to parents, grandparents provide what Dr. Barish calls ‘molecules of emotional health’ – moments of listening and encouragement that strengthen children’s ‘emotional immune systems’.

“A child’s confident expectation that someone will listen and understand is the best protection against the emotional pathogens they will experience throughout their childhood.  “More than anything else, children need someone in their life who listens, who helps them feel less alone, and who teaches them that problems can be solved, relationships can be repaired, and bad feelings do not last forever,” Dr. Barish explains.

Other practical ways that grandparents can help include creating moments of play and fun that build positive emotions and expressing enthusiastic interest in children’s interests and goals.

Too much criticism

In findings that challenge conventional wisdom, Dr. Barish reports that the most common problem in his clinical work is not over-praising children, it’s unintentional criticism from well-meaning family members.

“The most common problem I see in my work with families is not too much praise, but too much criticism,” Dr. Barish states.

“Criticism does not motivate children to work harder. Instead, frequent criticism breeds resentment and defiance, and undermines children’s initiative and effort.”

But not all praise helps. Citing Carol Dweck’s concept of a “growth mindset,” Dr. Barish distinguishes between praise that fosters resilience and praise that creates fragility: “Praise effort, not intelligence or talent. Praise learning, not grades.”

Dr. Barish acknowledges that children can have challenging behaviours, and he offers 21 rules to promote cooperative behaviour in children based on both research and clinical insights. These include engaging children in collaborative problem-solving conversations and offering them a chance to ‘reset’, which he suggests is more effective than punishment.

Dr. Barish explains: “Helping our children and grandchildren succeed in life is less about teaching skills and more about having conversations; less about earning rewards and more about learning to cope with painful feelings; less about clearing a path to success and more about strengthening an inner feeling of confidence and pride.  Our children will then work harder, bounce back more quickly, show more caring and kindness toward others, and pursue interests with greater enthusiasm, commitment, and sense of purpose.”